” People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.” Thich Nhat Hanh
I remember the first time I heard this quote: I was getting my undergrad degree in Health and Wellness Promotion and was taking my first meditation class. We were supposed to meditate on where we choose our own suffering.
At the time I had been in and out of hospitals for ovary problems. I was in a relationship, that I stepped out on myself on, trying to conform into all the things that would make him stay and value me.
So there I found myself in a meditation class being required to look directly at where I was a collaborator to my current suffering.
And let me just be frank, that isn’t fun. Its not like anyone wakes up and is like “oh YAY! Today is the day I am going to look at where I have been an active participant in my own suffering. I have waited anxiously for this day!”
No one would do that, but there I was and once the request was made I couldn’t put my blind fold back on and believe I wasn’t a part of it all.
The reality was I had become a practiced veteran at creating a lot of my own suffering. I had equally become pretty spectacular at playing the victim card. At that I had chosen to stop creating, stop painting, ignore my own values of self worth, and silence my intuition. Its pretty easy now, to see how long term those decisions led to my suffering. They led to my body calling out for a different way of being.
Today I sat next to the water and I began wondering again Where am I choosing my own familiar suffering?
That’t the thing about wellness and self discovery, the journey is not linear. There is no set destination. Once we arrive at where we think we have been heading something else arrives to take us down another avenue of our journey.
The ways I have chosen suffering have ranged from checking out on my body/heart/values/creativity/strength/intuition for work/relationship/situations. Now it looks like; adding something else to my plate when I need to practice self care, not speaking up for myself, playing the victim in a control/power struggle, and allowing the fear-mind to stop me.
Where do you play a role in your suffering? Where would you be willing to shift it?
<<<>>>If you would like some support in finding where you contribute to your suffering, how to get out of it, and most importantly how to root into all areas of available wellness. I would be honored to join you on your journey. http://aubreycara.co/work-with-me/