“Life is a balance of holding on and letting go.”
I will admit it, I have been frequent confused and awe struck by the image of balance. Maybe thats all it’s been my perception of what balance looks like.
The conclusion I have created is that to be balanced as a wife/mother/woman is to look put together, food on the table, kid in a great mood with fresh clothes on, working a job successfully and being able to do my inner work. Did I say unattainable conclusion? That’s really what I meant. Whose is that? Truly- when I tune in do I even want all those things. No.
For so long I lived and was raised with this mentality, as so many women were, that we had to fit a certain mold.
And then I failed at fitting into that mold. I failed and at first I wanted to throw myself through the ringer, beat myself up for not being enough, or this or that. All of it made me small for not living up to this expectation that was not even mine.
I have had a hard time in finding balance in general. Being a single mom with two to three jobs at a time, while aiming to be as present as possible for my son and prioritize my own self care, things are rarely balanced.
In the last year, something began to click in about how I was not balancing all the above. Inevitably something was not balanced the more I focused on one area, the more the others were out of whack. In the last year, self care became a priority. It started with baths, then it weekly journaling, then yoga. It was a process in making room for more self care. I quickly realized that in order to make more room for my self care, that meant I needed to make more room for outdoor time with my son. In order to create that balance, I had to rearrange my work schedule. When I realized my work wasn’t supporting my time with my son or my self care I sought to make a change.
My point is that balance is an ebb and flow. Its constant movement. It’s days I don’t care if socks match if that means I have more time with my son. Its days where I get take out so I have time to play outdoors instead of cooking. Its times where I choose to do laundry over exercising. It is a constant balance of give and take. But what I am clear on is that, balance, no longer requires me to meet someone else’s expectations of who I should be.